Ten tips on dealing with anger
. . . from nine wise women interviewed for Warm Cup of Wisdom: Inspirational Insights on Relationships and Life
- I use an old badminton racquet, and I pound the heck out of a pillow. I do this at home, by myself, when no one is around. You would be surprised what you can unload.
- We need outlets for our anger. I find that physical exercise helps.
- Ideally, I would like to be able to say, “I really didn’t like what you did. What can we do about that?”
- I learned to use “I” language: I feel, I think, I believe, I want, I need. Instead of saying, “You need to stop doing that,” say, “I want you to stop doing that because when you do that I feel . . .”
- I’ve learned that anger may be a manifestation of depression. Sometimes sadness or anger at yourself gets turned outward.
- When I’m super angry, I try to disengage. I say, “I’m just not able to talk about this right now. Can we talk about this tomorrow?”
- The older I get, the more I realize there are situations that I need to look at and say, “No, I’m not going to get angry about that. I don’t have any spare emotional energy to spend on that.”
- In a meeting, if things are going badly, I will get quiet. If I have to talk, I will talk very quietly and slowly because I find that that calms things down and focuses on the right things.
- Change and conflict are givens. The question is not how to avoid conflict but how to handle it.
- Never leave a person until you can make him laugh.